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2023: A Year in Review- So Very Mortal

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The Innards of the Happiness Jar 2023

These last few days past Christmas have been wet and dreary in Atlanta. It feels like the appropriate way to wind down the year. I opened my annual happiness jar yesterday to properly reminisce on the gifts and trials of 2023. In March, I introduced my principles for living joyfully and my new bike, Luna. Two months later, in my previous post, I discussed my ambulance ride from downtown to Grady Hospital. While it has been a wild year, my happiness jar is a small practice that reminds me how to find gratitude and reflect through the year. This year, alongside my bike, I held incredible moments of kindness and tough soul-shaping pains in the same breath.

In spring 2023, I had a series of cycling firsts. I finally tried (supported) bike camping with the Atlanta Cycling Festival. In that week of their trip to Rockmart, Georgia, I met my peak week distance maximum at around 100 miles. In March, I took my first bike-based birthday ride for Borith on his BeltGrind route. Ride joy is contagious, and it carried me to lead an April ride to my favorite Indian plaza in Decatur. Then, in mid-May, a cycling accident took me off the road. It was an abrupt reminder and wake-up call. We are so very mortal. The loss of independence during the following eight weeks in a wheelchair was transformative. The combined inability to care for myself, prepare meals, or write was challenging.

My Aunt Shampoos My Hair

In response, I had a beautiful outpouring of support and compassion from my community, friends, and family. My favorite aunt, Sheru, made a surprise visit to Atlanta from Toronto to get me from Grady. She later helped me bathe and read Urdu poetry to me. Just a month later, she suffered a stroke. Now, her motor functions and language abilities are a little different. When I visited her in November, I tried to reciprocate warmth to her. Already aware of the dilemmas of diabetes and heart disease in my family history, I am even more attuned to the requirements for preventive medicine. My concern about holistic health has grown firmer.

Good health begins inside the body. Not long after addressing my physical injuries, I proactively sought the help of a therapist. I learned to carry the simultaneous gratitude for support along with patience during my temporary disability. Discussions with my therapist have highlighted the beauty of slowing down and bringing compassion to myself. Again, this reminds me that the first component of health is having the right mindset. A senior member of my care team noted that your self-image can benefit your healing. As I see myself as an outdoors lover, I was motivated to return to operating under the power of my limbs.

Ice Cream for Hearts and Healing

Community is the second component of my health and has been the best miracle of this year. My expedited recovery is thanks to the benevolent energies and grace carried through my cycling community. People I did not know well checked in on me. Friends visited, brought me meals, and transported me to appointments. I am getting by this year with a LOT of help from my friends. Through many deep conversations, I am reminded how interwoven our lives are. As I shared my concerns, others shared their hearts. We are now woven closer together. Healing really does happen in community.

Community Love

Finding and enjoying meaningful work has been incredibly arduous this year. I supported a progressive, community-based developer for a short contract this year. In the happiness jar, I recalled a February public comment I gave at the Dekalb County Commissioners meeting. I had the chance to complain about the Dekalb Police Department and express my disdain for Cop City in one truth-to-power moment. In other joy, I led a bike-sharing theme camp at Alchemy, our regional burn. Through this community project, I got to spread the joy of riding, and advance the cause of adventure.

BBBBikes Camp at Alchemy 2023

An important part this year was the continued efforts at writing. My focus shifted from UpStreamRose to a series of emails via Substack. While my right wrist was broken, the difficulty in writing became an unexpected gift. I started feeling bloated with words and feelings when I could not hold a pen. It was a reminder to keep at this craft. Thanks to voice-typing applications, I kept some writing going. I have been grateful as people have connected with me through conversations via writing. Through these interactions, I sense we have collectively drawn ripples of awareness and expansion in 2023.

Magic Is Something You Make

I punctuated the year on Christmas Eve with a bike ride for Palestine. I still feel shocked that so many Americans cannot acknowledge that this country is funding genocide in Gaza. This horror is happening before our digital-and-always-connected eyes. A global collective awakening pushes Americans to realize that they are on the wrong side of history. With some invitations to holiday parties and seasonal festivities, I look forward to hugging friends and celebrating the end of 2023. Ultimately, I am happy to tuck the horrors and humanity of 2023 into hopes and efforts for a smoother and kinder 2024.

 

From The Isolation Journals

Two Steps Towards Financial Freedom: On FIRE

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From August 2020 to May 2021, I was without a paycheck. This unhinging from salaried work was on purpose. I chose to resign from my steady paycheck job as a JET in 2020. Leaving a decent job at the start of a pandemic was a bold move. However, I had a financial cushion and needed new challenges. The next challenge I had lined up in HR fell through as hiring freezes took effect in Tokyo. In October 2020, I was offered an exciting law class to teach for spring 2021 at Temple University’s Tokyo campus. Teaching law has always been a bucket list item for me; I wholeheartedly accepted the assignment. Then, again, at the last minute, that elective law class was canceled too due to pandemic related-BS.  Instead of finding mediocre work as a replacement income, I readjusted my plans and left Tokyo for five weeks in the Kyoto/Osaka area. This surprise situation did not prevent me from working on my larger goal of freedom through financial independence. In 2021, I spent late winter and early spring in a refreshing break from Tokyo life by applying geo-arbitrage in action. While location independence is one step of my approach, the formula for financial independence starts with a mindset.

Finding the Blue Flame

Nowadays, I think anyone can work towards financial independence. Many use online income streams to work on their FIRE (financial independence retire early) goals. I have experimented with a few such income streams. There were some moments last year when I lived off my savings. Instead of panicking, I found purpose in pauses between salaried work.

Trial By Fire

I prize freedom over money. Few things are as challenging for me as staying inside an office while the sun shines through a window. It is for this reason that I started to work towards financial independence. This idea was a revolution and a relief to me in 2009. For me, 2009 was a challenging year. I had just graduated from law school in mid-2008 and suffered from PTSD from my father’s sudden death a few months after my graduation. In 2009, the year after the 2008 mortgage industry collapse, the financial recession followed, and I was in a numb state of shock. I started my first full-time job as an attorney in both a personal and global crisis. Shortly after starting that job, I happened upon the 4-Hour Workweek while browsing Barnes & Nobles. The book profoundly changed how I saw money, work, and life. 

Zero Dollars

All in, for 2021, I made ZERO dollars of taxable income. As an adjunct professor of law at Temple University, the summer and fall semesters did not amount to much dough when I factored in the standard deduction. In fact, since I taught Fall 2021 virtually from the Americas, I could not even access the paychecks from Temple University that went into my Japanese bank account. How then did I manage to survive (or thrive, really)? These two key lessons helped me create a healthy financial buffer on my path to independence.

1. Stop Buying Stupid Shit

Spend My Freedom Away

Life is short. I enjoy it to the fullest. Though money does not buy happiness, money can support you to create moments of enjoyment. If you know yourself well (see #2, below), you know where you get the most bang for your buck. Once you know which expenditures bring you joy, hone in on & cut back on the places where your purchases are frivolous. 

For example, I seldom go to the movies. While watching Black Panther (the last film I saw in theatres), I fell asleep in the chair and needed plot updates from my friend. Movie-going isn’t for me. On the other hand, I love going to the ocean. I would instead spring for a weekend at the beach than a few nights of big screen watching. My approach is quite pragmatic, as well. I would rather drive a 10-year-old car to the beach than have five years of payments remaining on a shiny car. 

I have known many intelligent, accomplished, and high-income individuals with no savings and little self-control.  We live in a consumerist society. Everywhere you look, advertisements are vying for your attention and dollar. For many people, promotions set off psychological triggers and cue impulse spending. As you work towards financial freedom, it is essential to know your spending triggers. Sometimes it is as fundamental as knowing your own insecurities.

Many people get caught up in increasing their income. However, regardless of what you make, what you spend is what matters. I do not believe that austerity is required. Discipline is a muscle. It becomes stronger as you practice it. The first step towards discipline is to become aware of your spending habits. Make discretionary purchases that genuinely bring you joy.

Through practice, I have been good at reducing my recurring expenses. I am also very selective about how I use my discretionary money. In exchange for that, I (usually) have the flexibility to step away from work that does not interest or excite me.

Carolina Crash

By early 2016, I had ironed out a comfortable lifestyle in coastal South Carolina. However, after a traumatic relationship breakup and my general disappointment with politics in America, I returned to a sense of boredom. My WHY had changed, and I had to reconsider what I really wanted from life. I realized that working in a litigious and hierarchical legal culture was inconsistent with my more profound purpose. Though working in the law could provide a more straightforward path to financial independence, I realized I wanted to inspire a sense of global community through meaningful teaching and empowering others abroad.

Blue Ocean Depth

2. Know Yourself

Self-mastery and self-knowledge lie at the heart of any successful endeavor. Financial independence is no different. Therefore, it is essential to realize why you are moving toward financial independence. Specifically, what does freedom mean for you?

The income automation portion is difficult but not impossible. When I owned a real estate portfolio (with a partner), I was well along the way to financial independence. However, I struggled to find meaning in financial comfort without a larger WHY. Retiring early is not necessarily the purpose behind financial independence. My favorite part about time freedom is making space for self-growth. I aim to balance unstructured time with goal-getting and radical personal experimentation.

For a family, financial independence looks different than it does for a single lady. For many people, their day-to-day job is central to their identity. What they do is who they are. If the goal is to get away from salaried work, be firm in who you are outside of your career.

Sometimes people link their identity to what they can buy. Purchases to impress others are a classic rat race trap. Working for prestige over purpose can confuse your direction in life. Paul Graham’s excellent essay on doing what you love is a favorite in the Y-combinator start-up community. You have to look deep into your core in working to know yourself. Is there a higher purpose you are working towards? How will you relate to others who see the world differently?  What are your hobbies or interests that move you to go in that direction? It is essential to understand what you will do with your time.

As I move in that direction, I make very conscious decisions about what I want and how I pursue my goal. Working towards financial independence and turning down the typical 9 to 5 (or 5 to 9, really) is about controlling my own time. By taking charge of my choices, for example, knowing that I do not need a flashy bag to prove myself, I can accomplish the critical first half of the equation. My sense of self-worth is not tied to someone’s judgment. Since I know my WHY, I feel grounded in confidence and believe that I can manifest the right opportunities. I create the mental space for writing and inspire meaningful connections across cultural boundaries by choosing where I place my priorities.

As I return to the US, I have grown to know myself better. Knowing yourself means having faith in your capacity to pull off big goals. With that, I have found a heartfelt WHY. Thanks to my varied travel and life experiences, I have a deep sense of compassion for a global community of immigrants, travelers, and survivors. I wish to inspire others to lead a bold and authentic life through writing, coaching, and consulting.

Global Community Connection

The Early Atomic Habits: Self-Growth in Lent & Ramadan

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We are a few weeks into 2022, and amid scary war-driven headlines, pandemic aftershocks, and the demands of everyday life, the majority of us have walked away from any New Year’s resolutions. While it is easy to lose short-term hope for peace, positivity, and progress, I know that the best changes unravel slowly. Global human rights progress and even everyday cooking benefit from small efforts towards a larger positive purpose. A slow-cooked risotto, a gently raised child, and a delicately watered plant thrive from a patient approach. Our personal habits, too, grow from our desire to make our lives just a little bit better, a little bit different day after day.

Big Changes from Small Steps Instead

Habit Hacking

We are not generally content with the way our lives are; our self-help book craze reflects this desire for change. Last year, the book Atomic Habits was a best-seller. Before that, The Power of Habit. The whole idea of small changes is not new. We are now a few days into the month of Lent. While I do not subscribe to any religion, I am always open to practices that encourage self-development. During the month of Lent, Catholics give up some-X-thing in the name of God. That X can be something well-loved, like chocolate or mindless swearing, or it could be alcohol. The practice reminds me of the few times I practiced fasting during the Islamic month of Ramadan.

What do Lent & Ramadan have in common? First, of course, both are punctuated with a feasting holiday. Lent has Mardi Gras before it, that all-out celebration before a month of disciplined sacrifice. Ramadan ends with Eid, a three-day festival of overeating and family time. Both of these religious practices are reminiscent of our new-aged habit hacking experiments. These short exercises in discipline can profoundly affect our daily lives. They offer the opportunity to mold our character and behaviors through a vital purpose and with relatively easy training in habit change.  

My Experiments

Short-term experiments have brought me long-term benefits. I have developed a sense of gratitude, a commitment to writing, and an alcohol-free existence through short challenges. These exercises work because they start off with a determined purpose, are for short periods, and leave me with a sense of accomplishment. In addition, through these small shifts, I have gained a bigger appetite to work towards better self-control and the trust in my capacity to build from minor changes.

The Gratitude Jar

An Empty (?) Jar

I did not realize then, in 2015, that an empty mason jar could change my life. That year, I spent Christmas with my (then) boyfriend’s family in their enormous Charleston home. For Christmas, my ex-boyfriend’s mother gave each family member an empty mason jar with a set of instructions in it. The task: write down things you are grateful for over the year and stick them in the jar, then, on the following Christmas, open up the pot and read your recollections. I followed the instructions in earnest. I found myself taking moments to jot down sunsets, kindnesses, and kisses. When I shared these moments with the family the following Christmas, we re-lived the joys I recorded together. Beyond that, I noticed a change in myself. I found greater awareness in my day-to-day activities. I became attentive to brief moments of grace and luck. It reminded me of Kurt Vonnegut’s story about Uncle Alex; the moral was to stop and realize, “if this isn’t nice, I do not know what is!” Even today, and primarily through the pandemic, I found space in my heart to notice and enjoy what is beautiful, romantic, and meaningful. Having gratitude is a precursor to any happiness. For that, I have this initially empty gratitude jar to thank.

Morning Pages

The work of uncovering my inner artist is still ongoing; it started through daily morning pages, a required part of the 12-week course in Julia Cameron’s The Artists Way. In early 2020, I lived in my less than 200-square-foot apartment in Tokyo. Just as the string of pandemic closures and restrictions shrunk my world, I started this inner journey to expand my horizons. The morning pages, a daily writing practice, gave me room to grow during the maddening and dark times of 2020. I never imagined calling myself an artist. But through the morning pages, I learned to recognize an under-appreciated sense for art. Through regular writing, I realized I had an opportunity to look at my life and see it as a drawing board. I could honestly touch what was working and what could be improved. My social circle shrank without the regular routine of going into work, but my inner life blossomed. The practice of writing regularly, particularly in the morning, has opened me to deeper realms of my inner life. From this course and the morning practice, I sprang into energizing projects (TokyoGround & this blog, among others). I leaned into my introversion and found strength there. I have the small task of morning pages to thank for this significant change.

Alcohol

Wine Down

Just as good habits can grow slowly, my casual drinking sneakily became a norm. Eventually, I realized that drinking had become a fixture of my life in Japan. For the sake of experimentation, I began doing a dry January in 2019 and 2020. Each time, I marveled at how my energy and my skin improved during the dry months. Then, in 2021, dry January turned into dry February. I knew experimentation had developed into resolve when I turned down a glorious aged bourbon among friends. Though the setting was perfect, in the company of my Tokyo family, in a winter log cabin and with the background of heady Tom Waits, I knew that if I could resist a tipple then, I could resist any time. I decided I no longer needed to have a drink to enjoy myself in that cabin. I found the strength and courage to turn down that last round from my practiced resistance. In so doing, those few dry months paved the way to 14 months of abstinence.

The Next Challenge

My self-improvement method involves taking tiny steps from gratitude to writing to abstinence. Habit hacking starts with a small move driven by a significant purpose. Though my first introduction, from the gratitude jar, was an accident, it grew on my past appreciation for Ramadan. In a way, those old religious practices seem a lot like our new-age hacking experiments and challenges. Though I’m not too fond of sweeping and broad commitments, I enjoy the challenge of tiny steps. Beyond Lent & Ramadan, I look to take my hacking into new realms.

I have a pending challenge to try. The 21 day-no complaining challenge is next on the to-do list. My college study abroad teacher called me Llorona, Spanish for whiner. I suspect completing the 21-day no complaining exercise will be good to throw off that ignominious title. A month of Lent or Ramadan can nourish an extraordinary power even without the adjoining religious beliefs. Minimalism, eco-consciousness, and even global progress are accessible to us. With the power of a strong why, we can commit to choosing one small step after another.