Tag Archives: spirituality

Meet the Sky-Blue Luna: On Joy as a Guiding Principle For Life

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Day 1 with Luna

World: meet Luna, my celestial blue bike. If you follow my Instagram, you know I am enthusiastic about riding in Atlanta. So as a Valentine’s Day gift to myself, I splurged on new wheels. Physically, the bike elevates my power on rides. Spiritually, the bike is a conduit for joy. And, well, Luna is beautiful. As I ride, weaving around potholes and through alleys, I am grateful for the time I made for frolicking in the city. When I ride with a group, I sense camaraderie with other cyclists. Post-cruise, my endorphins run high, and I feel invigorated. In this way, adding the bike Luna to my life is an act of nurturing joy.

 

I believe we are in a constant state of becoming our true selves. Therefore, I experiment with myself to hone in on what vibes with me at a deeper level. Many self-growth writers focus on how to correct imperfections. Instead, my approach is to double down on the good stuff. First, I use bliss as my bellwether, and then I lean in. I pay attention to my feelings and then create opportunities to encounter JOY. For example, in 2017, when I decided to move to Tokyo, I followed my joy of travel. While there, I connected with others developing a transnational identity. Being abroad helped me highlight that elemental sense of who I am and brought me closer to encounters with joy. From this and many life lessons, I pursue opportunities for joy as my guiding life principle.

What Joy?

Before going on, let me try the imperfect art of definition. Joy is neither happiness nor bliss. But it is somehow related to both. In Atlas of the Heart, Dr. Brené Brown suggests: “Joy is sudden, unexpected, short-lasting, and high-intensity. It is characterized by connection with others, or with God, nature, or the universe. Joy expands our thinking and attention, and it fills us with a sense of freedom and abandon.”

Joy, then, is like catching a warm ray of sun and appreciating it. Nurturing joy is not simply falling into hedonism. It is more aligned with being an Epicure. It is pausing and enjoying the good things in life with balance and in stride. It is setting the stage for magic. If, as Dr. Brown suggests, joy is fleeting, how can we plan to have more joy in our lives?

White Roses for a Blue BIke

Cultivating Joy

It has taken me years to learn how to integrate joy into my life. It is an inexact art, but I know it begins with the capacity to listen inwards. Here are three practices that have helped me cultivate and follow joy in life:

  1. The Happiness Jar

Over the course of a year, take note of the moments that brought you gratitude. Write them down on a little slip of paper and stick them in the jar. Then, at the end of the year, read and remember those moments. Along the way, you learn what to prioritize.

Last week, for example, a friend of mine reached out because she was in my area, and we went to lunch. It turned into a whole day of hanging out. I added a note about her lovely surprise visit to my happiness jar. Later on, when I reminisce, I will remember how important it is to have unscheduled time for such chance encounters.

Research shows an intriguing link between joy and gratitude (see, again, Atlas of Heart). The trait of gratitude predicts more fantastic future experiences of in-the-moment joy. Joy predicts further experiences of in-the-moment gratitude. And dispositional or situational joy predicts greater future subjective well-being.

Thus, I recommend paying attention to happiness. Over time, this adds to my well-being.

The contents of my 2022 happiness jar

  1. Growing Awareness

Becoming aware of your inner reaction requires silencing outside noise. In that way, we can focus on what resonates with us through sensitivity to perceptions, sensations, and feelings. Awareness helps us notice the beautiful moments in life. Meditation helps grow awareness. Awareness, along with attention, is like a muscle. The more we practice it, the stronger it gets.

  1. Pause to stay with it

My lesson for the joyous moments is to pause and allow the good feelings to sink in. It is a bit like making tiramisu. You place all the good things together. But the most challenging step is to avoid eating it right away once you stack the layers. The best tiramisu hangs and soaks goodness overnight. Then, you have tiramisu infused adequately with patience and deliciousness.

If I am alert to good feelings, I pause consciously to stay with the aura. I might even hold my hand to my heart as if holding the moment close to me.

  1. Practice Opening Your Heart

If all of this is foreign, and you struggle to find joy and happiness, I suggest a mini 12-week course from Julia Cameron. Her book, The Artist’s Way, explores activities to discover your inner creativity. The lessons are not limited to would-be artists. Her lessons are designed to open your heart and senses to learning what makes you feel burning with aliveness. The book combines practices, essays, and quotes bound to ignite our buried inner selves.

Joy Riding

Who Needs Joy?

In Desert Solitaire, American wilderness enthusiast and social critic Edward Abbey wonders why desert frogs sing in the rain.

“Has joy any survival value in the operations of evolution? I suspect that it does; I suspect that the morose and fearful are doomed to quick extinction. Where there is no joy there can be no courage; and without courage all other virtues are useless. Therefore the frogs, the toads, keep on singing even though we know, if they don’t, that the sound of their uproar must surely be luring all the snakes and ringtail cats and kit foxes and coyotes and great horned owls toward the scene of their happiness.”

Though it is dangerous, frogs sing, Abbey, surmises it is because they celebrate life. I agree. When we focus on joy, it inspires and moves us. Nurturing joy is an act of self-love and celebration. Being true to yourself and perfecting your love of yourself can be a challenge. Honing in on and growing my inner self through the sharp lens of joy is an antidote to the ups and downs of life. Joy is not only a barometer for the capacity to enjoy life; it is a time-tested route on the path of spiritual enlightenment.

From Joy to Enlightenment

The ancient Hindu wisdom of Sat Chit Ananda reminds us that our bliss, Ananda, is a route to enlightenment. While the world sells us images of external sources of gratification, we can naturally develop a nagging sense of lack. On top of this, modern lifestyle changes add to a growing sense of social isolation. Together, these trends push people away from their inner knowledge. As we make opportunities to learn from joy, we move toward a higher bliss. We rejoice in knowing we always have the capacity for joy, peace, and light.

Joy, then, is the surprise appreciation we develop when magic comes from the mundane. It is at the heart of doing something new, going on an adventure, or a chance meeting with an old friend. On rainy days I find myself longing for the next bit of sunshine. As the sun returns, I take Luna out. Along the way, I will encounter the Phoenix’s rebirth in Atlanta, flora and fauna of the city, the power of my body, and new roads to travel. My heart sings, and my spirit soars over these blue handlebars. Luna and I become adventure partners on a joint joy journey.

A Bridge I Had Not Crossed

Othering & Belonging: Diversity in Georgia

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Surrounded by green pines and sitting on the red clay along Blue Ridge Lake, I stared into murky green waters. Under the water’s surface, a fish moved between the shade and the sun. She swam above rotting foliage and around a fallen branch. I watched her swim as I was digesting the hour before.

Blue Ridge Mountains, Photo by Juan Davila on Unsplash

“Where are you from?” The real estate agent asked me. I sense she was trying to size me up rather than have a conversation. I stared at her in mild shock and disbelief while trying to hide my angst. “I live in Atlanta,” I responded with blank eyes. I felt judged and was reluctant to gab.

Inside my head, I meet with my vagabond turmoil. My mixed bag of responses floats in my head. “I am from nowhere. I am from everywhere. A three-continent list would be the beginning of my life story and genealogy.” But really, who has time for all that? Actually, I no longer know where I am from. I am living in a constant state of flux. Identity, ultimately, is a limiting form of identification.  

How to Belong in Georgia?

Lately, there is a more significant issue. I no longer know where I belong. I feel like that oil slick hanging in the finger of Blue Ridge Lake- challenging to mix and sprinkled with yellow pollen dust. This theme, where are you from, I have touched on before. In Georgia, and in particular, now, this is a loaded question. I think the more relevant questions are: “Can we get to know each other? Where are we going? How can we work together to get there?”

Today, I am from a place where old lessons mix with an even older desire. Another middle-aged lady asks the same kind of question in the next hour. I looked for a non-BBQ lunch option and saw a well-loved Cuban sandwich shop in downtown Blue Ridge. After discussing the yucca frita, she asked, “What is your nationality?” I told her my ethnicity and that my forefathers are from India originally. She told me I looked Latina, and I grinned in acknowledgment.”How about you?” I asked back. She responded with a short history, “I am Tampanea (from Tampa, Florida). My father was from Spain, and my mother was from Italy. And then, my husband from Cuba. So here I am, arroz con mango.” The expression was perfect! A strange mix of rice and mango. I smiled, and we went on to a chat about Georgia turning blue in 2020. She mentioned that in the mountains of Georgia, there are pockets of people from everywhere. Her words absolutely resonated. I remembered my days of grass-roots campaigning; Atlanta is that salad bowl type of mix.  

Cortado Photo by Tyler Nix on Pexels.com

Our Rich Heritage

After lunch and cortado, I strolled along the train tracks cutting through downtown Blue Ridge. On a parallel street, tucked between strip centers sporting Trump posters, a shop called The Joint caught my attention. The shop includes a Beetle parked out front and psychedelic colored furniture on the grass. Here, I found an Atlanta ex-pat. For a little while, we both lived in Homepark. The Mudcats, a local Atlanta band I followed, played at her wedding. We chatted briefly about Georgia and the changes in Atlanta. Between our old memories and the mountain air, I knew I was related and belonged somehow to the history of this red-blue patchwork state.

The Trump Store just outside Ellijay

Heading back to the Airbnb, I pulled over for an irresistible photo. I spotted a real-life Trump Store behind a McDonald’s in a strip plaza adorned with for lease signs and potholes. Next door to the store stood a Vietnamese-American photo studio, and two doors further down was a Mexican restaurant, Mucho Kaliente. The dim-lit Trump shop sported a flyer for an Indian-American Labor Commissioner. Mr. Bhatt here poses with Trump as he campaigned for “Georgia First” & “America First.” That night, from my country farmstead Airbnb, I wondered how he would balance those with Trump’s racist rhetoric. I simmered on this while my Christian Korean-American host family cooked bibimbap downstairs.

Georgia Roots & Atlanta Dramas

Everybody I encounter in Atlanta is from somewhere else. The only people with ancient knowledge of the land in Georgia were pushed away. That now illicit history traced further back points at the ugly roots of our national story. The reckoning with our past is a step into what we are working towards. That is the only thing that will bring us all together. I am less interested in anyone’s background. I am more interested in their heart and how we can make space for all of us to belong. Atlanta is quickly gentrifying parts of its classic inner-city neighborhoods. Traffic along the 285 Perimeter gets worse annually. The effects of global warming make Atlanta even hotter. There are so many issues that touch all of us. It takes an understanding of where we want to go to work together.

Traffic is Democratizing; We all slow down (not Atlanta) Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Our Spiritual Evolution

A force moving us towards inclusion and cross-cultural understanding is the process of our spiritual evolution. One of my favorite books, The Road Less Traveled, puts it this way:

The notion that the plane of mankind’s spiritual development is in a process of ascension may hardly seem realistic to a generation disillusioned with the dream of progress. Every-where is war, corruption and pollution. How could one reasonably suggest that the human race is spiritually progressing? Yet that is exactly what I suggest. Our very sense of disillusionment arises from the fact that we expect more of ourselves than our forebears did of themselves. Human behavior that we find repugnant and outrageous today was accepted as a matter of course yesteryear.

Dr. Scott Peck

Dr. Peck builds his idea of spiritual development throughout his book. Essentially, energy and intention toward progress grow from individual effort. First, a person works towards putting their spiritual house in order, connecting values with action, purpose, and discipline. That effort is personal progress. From there, people work to bring alignment into their community. They empathize when others are wronged; they work with a sense of purpose in their day-to-day relationships.

We Do Love One Another

We unite against displacement, injustice, or “othering” which we do not suffer because of our spiritual evolution. The situation in Ukraine is an example of this. In western countries, there is a wellspring in support of Ukraine. (Of course, for another post, this support has a sharp edge. Why don’t we feel the same sympathy for the loss of life in Palestine, Syria, and Yemen?) I was in Japan when the world rose in anger against the murder of George Floyd. For a while, the Facebook group I admin-ed was a flood of support, irrespective of race. Later, in Tokyo, many locals and foreigners united for the Black Lives Matter march. In the US, mass shooting occurs regularly. How much longer till we bring together a balance of competing interests in the gun debate?

The very fact that we care about others speaks to our collective spiritual evolution. While the world gets smaller, thanks to technology and transportation, we can move towards a genuinely pluralistic society. We get there by working on what unites us rather than what divides us. A shared future, a shared planet, and healthier public institutions are the steps to make Georgia part of an even better Earth. Just as we seek ways to honor the rights of those we consider “different” from us, we can actively create a sense of belonging. We can work towards belonging regardless of political leanings, ethnic background, and economic class. There are infinite ways in which we can support one another. The goal, I believe, is to find how we are united rather than how we are different.

Celebrating MotherING on Mother’s Day

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Mother’s Day just passed by, and while I love my mother, I think it is a strange day to celebrate.  We were all brought here, by a woman, our mother, into this mortal life.  Being born of a mother is one universal in a world of variations.  Does that automatically make being a mother special?  I am, by choice, child-free and wonder what we celebrate on Mother’s Day.  I suspect it is more than the fact of a biological relationship.  What if you have ongoing struggles with your mother?  Is there still cause to celebrate?  What if you had the mother from Mommie Dearest?  It may be social taboo to discuss, but I wonder if anyone has a less than ideal relationship with their mother?

Mom & Mothering

While my mother does not quite meet the scary Joan Crawford standard, our relationship sometimes feels like a roller coaster ride.  Once, on Mother’s Day, in fact, I came from out of town to visit my mother.  I drove us to a park a few miles away from her home.  While we were there, I was test riding a foldable bike that was sitting in the trunk.  As I checked out the bike, we managed to split up at the park.  After not seeing me for a few minutes, she drove her car back home without me.  I biked around looking for her.  Later I realized I was at the park by myself, without a phone, my wallet, or any heads up about what had happened.  Entirely confused about why I was left there, I ended up biking Atlanta roads without a helmet in the scorching heat to her house.  The fury burned hot inside and out as I made it to her home.  When I asked her why she left me, she said she was hungry and was sure I could make it home Ok.  Without apology, she noted that I was so outdoorsy that I would have enjoyed the ride on my own.  This same woman also loaned me money to buy my first rental property.  Later, I realized she wanted the brag of telling her friends that her daughter owns a rental.  Money usually came easier than compassion. Though things are getting better, I find myself constantly struggling to be understood.

In Trouble

Many other millennials are similarly examining their upbringing.  Parental apology fiction is a new sub-genre.  In these modern sitcoms, children confront parents with pain from their upbringing and get resolution.  That fantasy seems a far cry from where I am.  For now, it is enough that I got some insights into our tumultuous relationship.  The book, Will I Ever Be Good Enough, has helped me understand some difficulties through the lens of personality.  From it, I developed the understanding that it takes enormous effort to go beyond providing for physical needs.  To care and nurture through disagreement is the hallmark of unselfish love.  Supporting another’s self-actualization requires immense emotional reserves.

Hence, my pondering.  Some women become pregnant involuntarily, unknowingly, and ill-advisedly.  To be born of another human is the most natural thing.  In reality, the right combination in the horizontal mambo can make most women into mothers.  Biology comes before the choice for some.  Being motherly, however, is not for everyone.  Emotionally immature women have children to fill a void in their life.  In other cases, young girls do not get sexual education and become mothers early in life.  At the same time, our country is reducing the legal options for women to choose whether they want to bring a pregnancy to term.

So, the distinction is essential.  Being a mother is quite different from being a Mom.  Instead of motherhood itself, I propose that it is mothering that we celebrate on Mother’s Day.  Biological mothers have varying degrees of warmth and lovingness.  What we celebrate, then, is mothering.  Those moments in which someone, sometimes an actual mother, cared for us.  The celebration of caring, nurturing, and warmth is itself a cause to celebrate.  To love when it is difficult or trying, or when there are disagreements, is what I set out to celebrate.

Thankfully, I have a big extended family.  As our immediate family became a bit established, we were able to host aunts, uncles, and my maternal grandmother for a while.  Their warmth and caring contributed to my development.  Sometimes, others would see my point of view.  I felt secure in knowing a world of support was around me.  On Mother’s Day, I celebrate mothering, even if it comes from aunts, grandparents, or other close relations.  If we are lucky, we have many people around us that contribute to our upbringing.

Long River

Flowers, like children, can grow on their own after a particular start.  This natural process is the beauty of nature, that is she just grows.  However, the blossoms grow bigger, more fragrant, and stronger through nurturing.  In essence, to love it takes the ability to move through disagreement with love and respect.  With time and reflection, I came to see some of the difficulties in loving rooted in traumas from the past.  Thich Nacht Hanh has a beautiful meditation on developing compassion for parents.  Inspired by this practice, I wrote a poem to remind me (and anyone else) of struggling with a problematic parental relationship.

💓  🌺

Happy Mother’s Day to Mommie Dearests, Mothering Aunts, Grandmas, and Mothering Humans All Around!

Walking Into Armageddon

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I am not sure if it is reverse culture shock or if I am just dismayed at the state of America. The reaction is physical. There is a tightening in my chest, pounding in my veins, and a stiffening of my body. Returning to American life has its challenges, just watching the local news here can be panic-inducing. Yet, though things around me seem hard, I am determined to keep the edges of my heart soft. Here are a few conundrums and my salves:

Un – Panicked!

Problems At Home

Inflation is easy to spot in America. Initially, there is sticker shock! A 5-year-old used car costs nearly as much as a new 2022. That is if you can get your hands on a 2022. Supply chain issues have created delivery delays. Thus, used cars are being sold for double what they would have cost 2-3 years ago. Housing prices in America have seen the highest year-on-year appreciation on record. There have been at least 20% increases in valuation in some areas. When I compare costs in Japan, they have more or less stayed the same over four years. Here in the US, most things have risen in price.

SCAMMERS

As more public services in America are privatized, the room for consumer confusion is high. In Atlanta, scammers are purporting to be the police department. At my mother’s home, I see (post) mail with misleading notices on the cover. Some notices pretend to be from a trusted health care provider, insurance company, or the federal government. Once you open the post, you see the words hedging or all-out different from the external warning. “You MAY be eligible for” or “please call one of our agents.” Lots of these advertisements would confuse an older adult in a hurry. It feels like everyone is trying to take a bite out of you.

With all this going on around me, I sometimes struggle to keep anxiety in check. I do not shrink from the world. But I am not too proud to seek help. These are some of the tools I use to keep my peace of mind in check.  

Deeper Resonance

I often notice that anxiety only builds up in me when I struggle internally. It is almost a catch-22. The door of the internal home is porous! So when I need to reconnect with inner peace, here are a few guides I tune in to.

The Lotus Grows From Murky Water

1. A Spiritual Perspective

The Power of Now is a classic; I have gifted Eckhart Tolle’s work numerous times. It was first given to me during my PTSD. Over a decade later, I still revisit it and find bits of wisdom. To my above whines, a healthy dose of Tolle:

“See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always non-acceptance of what ‘is’. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is useless.”

Eckhart Tolle

This friendly reminder about the complaining or misalignment with the NOW is a jolt. While I can take ACTION to resolve the concern, staying discontented with how things are is not doing me any good!

A new online sensation is Tara Brach. Instead of focusing on only cultivating peace, one of her essential tools is to turn into what is kicking off anxieties. Through her RAIN practice (and the book on it), she suggests that you R-recognize, A-allow, I-investigate, and N-nurture what is going on. This practice allows you to see what is bothering you and be with it. Often just being with the source of concern will alleviate the pain. By investigating and nurturing, you can begin to arrive at any unmet needs that require tending.

I believe that spiritual teachers essentially bring us to an insight that was already living within us. This traveling to the understanding helps us create a healthy space for perspective.

If lectures and books are too cumbersome, nature, green leaves, and walks in the woods are my classic calming practice. I learned recently that knobby tree roots can provide an excellent foot massage!

Knobby Roots = Fun Grounding

Of course, writing is one of my solutions. 😊 Just physically writing down what I feel, in a private journal, creates a bit of space from internal tension. When self-directed is not available to me, I look for a prompt. An excellent Instagram account, the isolation journals, often has good ones. Recently, I answered, what would make it worth living through the apocalypse. Hugs, sunrises, and shorelines for me!

Through my recent shock, I learned that I could reawaken my own lessons of resilience. From the private comments of readers, I sense that others are looking for some similar forms of resolution. I hope that this piece will contribute to some relief and bring understanding to lessen someone else’s trouble.

Wishing you all a Zen-full day!